


Doors that We Can't Walk Through

by teasockschocolate



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, but it's cute too it's okay, phillip wants a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 09:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13972125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teasockschocolate/pseuds/teasockschocolate
Summary: “I don’t understand how you could be so selfish.” Phillip had spat at her.“I’m selfish?” She had whipped around, eyes filled with so much fury he drew back slightly. “You know as well as I what they would go through. How could you willingly subject your own child to that?”“We can’t change what other people think, Anne. That’s the way the world works. But those other people shouldn’t matter.”_________Phillip wants a baby, Anne is scared.





	1. Chapter 1

_“We’re not having this conversation again, Phillip.”_

_“Anne—“ Phillip reached out to grab her elbow and she yanked it away, storming past him out of the apartment._

Tears pricked her eyes as she walked down the dark street towards the circus. It wasn’t the first time that she and Phillip had had this fight. It was simple really — he wanted children, she didn’t. She never had. She couldn’t understand Phillip’s desire to bring a human being into the world that had been so cold to them. The world was dark and unforgiving and Anne knew it would be crueler to a child of theirs. The taunts and insults thrown at her when she walked with Phillip would be nothing compared to what people would say to their child. A child part white aristocrat, part black circus trash. A child who’s parents marriage wasn’t legally recognized in 15 states. She wouldn’t do it.

_“I don’t understand how you could be so selfish.” Phillip had spat at her._

_“I’m selfish?” She had whipped around, eyes filled with so much fury he drew back slightly. “You know as well as I what they would go through. How could you willingly subject your own child to that?”_

_“We can’t change what other people think, Anne. That’s the way the world works. But those other people shouldn’t matter.”_

_“I don’t want them to but they do matter and you know that.”_

_“If you really cared about them then you wouldn’t be with me.” He fired back. “So what’s this really about? You don’t want to stop trapeze? Worried about losing your athletic body? Choosing your job over a family?”_

_Anne felt anger course through her body and she slapped him across the face. “How dare you.” She said in a low voice, yet a smaller voice in the back of her head wondered if he was entirely wrong. “Even if that was true, why shouldn’t I? I’ve worked my entire life to be up there. What have you worked for?”_

Anne pulled herself onto the trapeze bar as soon as she got into the ring. She usually ended up here after fights — flipping and swinging until her muscles screamed and her fingers burned. She channelled all her frustration — at Phillip, at the world — into her movements.

Once she had exhausted herself, she shimmied down the ladder and debated staying at the tent for the night. No, she decided. Phillip would only panic if she didn’t come home. Then again, he was probably getting rip roaringly drunk at the moment and may not even notice if she didn’t show up. Hell, he may not show up that night. Nevertheless, she slipped back into the night and started home.

As she had suspected, Phillip was gone. She sighed, sinking into a chair and burying her face in her hands. She hated fighting with him. This was really all they ever fought about and it terrified her. What if he decided he wanted children more? There were plenty of women who would give him litters. Pretty, rich white women who his family would approve of. Anne felt a dry sob wrack her body and a whimper of self pity rippled out of her lips. She took a deep breath and straightened up. No pity. No crying. That wouldn’t help anything. Anne wiped her sweat from practicing with a damp cloth and changed into her nightgown and climbed into bed.

_“Would it really be so terrible,” He had whispered. “For it to be you and me and our baby? Don’t think about what other people would say. Just think of a baby that we made together.”_

As she drifted off to sleep, her mind wandered to a little boy with caramel skin and sparkling blue eyes. Maybe, she thought wistfully, it wouldn’t be so bad to have his baby.

Anne didn’t know how long she was asleep but it was much later when she woke to a crashing sound. She tore off the blanket that covered her and creaked open the bedroom door. Phillip was leaning against the kitchen table, looking down at the chairs he had knocked over in surprise.

“Oh, hun,”

“Anne!” His face lit up when he saw her and he tried to walk towards her. She caught him as he stumbled and wrapped her arm around his waist to support him. “I saw a cat outside.” He whispered to her.

“That’s nice.” She said, struggling under his body weight.

“You’re like a cat. When you swing on the ropes.”

“Mmm?” She fought the burning anger in her stomach. He had been sober for so long. It was her who drove him to be like this tonight though, she thought with a wave of guilt. “Now, go to sleep.”

She pushed him gently down onto their bed and unlaced his boots, sliding them off of his feet. He reached a hand down and twirled her curls around his finger.

“Like a princess,” He mumbled. She didn’t respond. She laid him on his back and climbed back to her side of the mattress.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered into the darkness around them. 

'Me too.” She said quietly.

“I don’t need a child.” He rolled onto his side to face her. “You’re all the family I really need.”

“It’s not that I don’t want one,” She sighed. “I just… I don’t want my baby to have to be scared walking down the street.”

“I know,” He whispered. “

Me neither.” “But… it wouldn’t always be that bad, would it?”  Anne remembered the vision of their child she had seen and smiled to herself. “There would be times it’d be great…”

She imagined a little baby girl with her curls and Phillip’s eyes taking her first steps. Years later Anne teaching her daughter to swing on the trapeze, Phillip terrified at the thought his little girl flipping in the air. “You give me enough heart attacks up there as it is,” He’d say to Anne. He’d spin their daughter around on his back like he did with the Barnum girls, her giggling wildly and screeching in delight. She would grow up strong and beautiful and Phillip would find a flaw with every boy that looked her way. “You’re parents didn’t approve of me. That didn’t stop us, it won’t stop her.” Anne would remind him.

She bit her lip, her smiling growing wider. A flicker of hope danced in Phillip’s eyes, bloodshot from booze, but he didn’t say anything. “I’ll think about it…” She said softly.

* * *

 

A few weeks later as they were leaving the Barnum house after dinner on night, Caroline wrapped her arms around Anne’s waist. Anne had spent a chunk of the evening showing Caroline the proper way to climb out of a window and shimmy down a tree. Phineas and Charity, Anne was sure would not be exactly thrilled with her, but what had started as a simple dance had escalated quickly. Anne could never say no to Caroline.

“I love you, Anne,” The child sighed against her and Anne felt her heart melt. She didn’t miss the longing in Phillip’s eyes when she looked up and caught his eyes on her and Caroline, but this time it didn’t send a pang of guilt to her heart. She wanted this too.

“Okay.” She whispered on the ride home, her head on his shoulder. “Let’s do it.”

“Anne,” Phillip said cautiously. “We don’t have to. I told you, you’re all I need.”

“I know,” Anne said, lifting her head and smiling at him. “I want to though.”

“Really?” The way his face lit up made her heart soar. She nodded, laughing. “I love you,” His eyes brimmed with tears of joy. “So much.” She hooked an arm around his neck and kissed him.

It wouldn’t be easy, Anne knew that. There were going to be bad days, but there would be more days of joy and love and a child that was half her and half Phillip. She’d take the pain. It would be worth it.


	2. We Can Walk Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so after i first posted this on tumblr i got requests for a sequel so this is my super fluffy attempt

Phillip was going through papers on his desk when he heard a knock outside.

“Come in,” He called.

Anne walked in and Phillip leaned back in his chair, smiling. “Hello, Mr. Carlyle.” She said, sitting down in the chair opposite him.

He gave her a quizzical look but played along. “Hello Mrs. Carlyle.” A smile on both their faces formed when he called her that. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, I have to discuss my work with you. I’m afraid I have to request a temporary leave of absence.”

“Oh?” He frowned. “For how long?”

Anne smirked. “About nine months.”

“Nine—“ He trailed off, his eyes growing and his jaw dropping. “Wait…Are you…”

Anne beamed and nodded. “You’re sure? You’re absolutely sure?”

“I just got back from the doctor. Charity took me.”

“Oh my god,” He crossed around the desk and knelt before her, caressing her face.

She laughed against him as he grabbed her and kissed her. His hands trails down to her stomach, staring at in awe. His head snapped back up to meet her eyes. “How do you feel? Do you need anything? Let me walk you home, you should lie down.”

Anne rolled her eyes. “I’m fine. You’re not going to smother me now even more than you already do, are you?”

“Of course I am.” He scoffed. “Get used to it.”

Anne heaved a sigh, dramatically rolling her eyes.

“Does anyone else know?”

She smiled. “Just you and Charity now. I don’t really want to tell anyone else yet but I guess we have to. They’ll notice when I just stop being in the show.” She laughed.

“Why wouldn’t we tell?”

“It’s still early.” She said quietly. “I’m only about two months along. If anything were to happen…”

“Nothing will happen.” He kissed her brow. “I’d say we’ve dealt with enough. But if you want, we can think of an excuse for you not performing for now.”

“I should tell my brother though. He’ll worry.” “

Now?”

“I mean I guess. Do you want to come?”

“Don’t you think there’s a good chance he’ll kill me for knocking his little sister up?” Phillip said nervously, only half joking. W.D. tolerated him now, but quite honestly he still scared Phillip a bit.

Anne rolled her eyes. “He’ll be fine."

“Okay then. Should I wear a book under my shirt just in case he hits me?” He smiled crookedly.

Anne stood up and tugged on his arm. “Come on, scaredy cat.”

* * *

 

“W.D.,” She called into the mens dressing room. “Can you come out here for a second?”

Her brother stepped out. “What is it?”

Anne exchanged a nervous glance with Phillip who squeezed her hand. “I wanted to let you know I’m not doing the show tonight. For a while, actually. Because, well, um,”

“Because you’re pregnant?” W.D. finished.

"What?” Anne laughed nervously.

“Lettie called it the other day.” Her brother shrugged. “Is it true?”

“Um, well, yeah… But how’d she know? I didn’t even know.”

W.D. laughed. “Beats me. Said you’d been getting sick a lot and something else. I don’t really remember.”

“Well then,” Anne sighed. “Um, yeah. I’m pregnant.”

The words felt foreign in her mouth — it was the firs time she’d actually said that out loud.

Her brother turned his attention to Phillip. “You sticking around Carlyle?”

Phillip straightened, looking him straight in the eyes. “Of course.”

“Good.” W.D. nodded curtly before breaking into a smile. “Congratulations.” He hugged his sister, kissing her cheek and shook Phillip’s hand.

“Oh, and don’t say anything yet, please. We wanted to wait to tell everyone. Even though apparently they already know.” Anne laughed.

“Of course,” W.D. smiled. “Now go home and rest. Take care of my niece or nephew. They gotta be strong so they can follow you on the trapeze.”

“Oh god, please no,” Phillip shook his head, wrapping an arm around Anne’s waist. “That kid is going to stay firmly on the ground.”

“We’ll see,” Anne smirked.

“You’re going to kill me Anne. You are actually going to give me a heart attack and kill me.”

“That’s what you get for marrying an aerialist.” W.D. laughed. “Now get out of here. We have a show to do. Phillip, you ringmaster tonight?”

“No.” Anne answered and Phillip looked at her confused. “Oh,” She laughed. “Right, you don’t know. Charity said she’ll tell Barnum to do the show tonight so we can be together.”

Phillip smiled at her. “Okay then, let’s go home.”

“Bye W.D.” Anne waved to her brother with one hand and laced her fingers through Phillip’s with the other.

“How are you? Like emotionally. Are you okay with leaving the circus?” Phillip asked as they walked through the city to their apartment.

“Well, of course I wish I didn’t have to,” Anne said, shrugging. “But it’s worth it.” She looked up at him grinning and he kissed the top of her head.

That night she slept soundly, Phillip’s hand splayed protectively across her stomach.


End file.
